Diary of A Grey Journey: Confessions of a Worrywart
Shivani Karia recently embarked on her own grey journey and she’s sharing each step with the LITG community. This week, Shivani shares musings on the ineffectiveness of worrying.
So I’m a worrier. I think it’s time I finally came out and said it. I worry. A lot. About a number of different things that all truly range in importance. For example, I worry about when I’ll have time to put my laundry away (because really, that is an issue) and when I’ll have or rather, make time to take my car in for that long overdue oil change.
But I also worry about the big things, like my family, my friends, my career and whether the decisions I’m making are the right ones for me, both professionally and personally.
In addition to being a worrywart, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that I’m one of those individuals who needs to be in control of her surroundings or at the very least, know what’s going on around me.
I like and on certain occasions, need to have definite plans in place, whether it’s for a fun night with my family and friends or a networking event that I’m attending. You see, I like plans. I like lists. I like organization. I like the black and white, where things are 100% crystal clear. Anything otherwise can, like I said above, make me start to worry and get anxious.
This past week in the grey was tough. It pushed me to realize just how important it is to be able to let go of the things I can’t control. To stop worrying about every little or big decision I’m making and just focus on the things that truly matter. Constantly worrying and trying to control the things around me is ultimately only going to hold me back from living and enjoying my life. Before I know it, I’ll be old and grey and life’s precious moments, the ones that really count, will have passed me by because I was too busy worrying about the things that quite honestly, I had no control over.
That’s the thing about living in the grey. It pushes you to become a better you, a more real you, a you that lives not for the moments during your 9-5 job, but instead, lives for all the moments right now.
Living in the grey has shown me that it’s ok that my next step hasn’t been determined yet. It’s ok that I don’t have complete control over every aspect of my life. I have to, and I do, trust that things will work out for the best and that everything will fall into place. I trust that I will make the right decisions for me, both professionally and personally.
By living in the grey, I’ve realized that sometimes, it’s best to just let things go. Let go of the things you can’t control. Let go of all the worries, stresses and frustrations that keep you up at night because it isn’t going to help anything; instead, it’s just going to make you cranky in the morning due to the lack of sleep!
In the meantime, enjoy these in-between moments. Enjoy the time spent with your family and friends. Enjoy the moments where you don’t have a single worry or stressful thought. These are the moments we should be looking for because these are the moments that show us that we’re truly living life the way it should be lived. With our loved ones. Doing amazing, exciting, thrilling activities that push us into the grey.
Shivani Karia, an Indian American raised in the heart of the Midwest, is determined step out of the box and experience all the grey that life has to offer.