Today’s guest post comes to us from Shivani Karia of Kansas City, MO. Consider this the diary of an individual bold enough to leave the black-and-white mentality behind and begin her journey to live in the grey!
“Soo I will be leaving the company in a few months.” I sat there, in front of my manager, stunned at the words that were coming out of my mouth but unable to stop them. I continued as my manager looked at me in surprise. Before I knew it, I had finished telling my manager that I’d be leaving my first, secure, full-time job out of college for a job that, at the moment, I had yet to find.
The reality of what I’d just done set in. Holy crap. Should I go and take back everything I said? Am I insane? What did I just do? I need to fix my resume. I need to apply for jobs. Oh my God, I won’t have a job in two months! What I am going to do for insurance?
But I couldn’t worry about that. I couldn’t let myself take back what I had just done because deep down, I knew I’d said those words for a reason. I knew my time at this company that had taught me so much was up. It was time for me to explore new opportunities and see what else is out in the world, all while becoming more independent. No. I couldn’t take it back. I had to trust myself, my instinct, my gut even though the response that I got back from multiple friends after I had told them what I had done was, “Whoa. That’s a ballsy move.” Yes, it was and nope, that’s reeaalllyyy not very comforting. But, it is what it is. It’s all about trusting yourself.
This was me just a little over a month ago. Since then, I’ve applied for lots of jobs, interviewed for a few and been rejected by many. For someone who lives for the black and white, who lives in the comfortable box that has been my life for the past 25 years, this is as grey as I’ve ever been. It’s scary and intimidating, but, I think living in the grey, where I’m at now, is just what I need. Don’t worry, this isn’t a cliffhanger. This isn’t the end. This is the beginning and there’s plenty more to come.